Regaining Myself

I don’t need to explain myself, but I will share my thoughts with y’all because that’s just what I do.

I’ve been going through a tough experience. If you follow me on any social media site you probably got the hint. I lost someone who meant a lot to me, and no, nobody died. As a result, I lost sight of myself. I lost sight of my own happiness. I put others above myself and was taken for granted. I blame myself. I blame my openness with people. I blame myself for believing that promises weren’t actually meant to be broken and I blame myself for being innocent in a world that crushes any sense of humanity out of humans. I blame myself.

The problem isn’t what happened to me, but the effect it had on my confidence, my happiness, and my self-respect. I’m not a stupid girl. Actually, let me rephrase that, I’m not a stupid woman. I’m just a young woman, learning, growing and maturing with every experience I go through. Crazy right? People might judge me and I stopped caring quite frankly. “You don’t know what I been through!” Every person copes differently with the struggles they go through. I can’t judge a person and say one way of coping is right or wrong, so neither should anyone sit and point fingers at me. But again, do I expect people to be nonjudgmental? No. Do I expect there to be fake people who will smile in my face and slander me in my absence? Yes. But it doesn’t matter anymore because I can’t change the fact that somebody has so much time on their hands that my problems become their conversation.

That being said, I’m starting to realize the importance of seclusion. I won’t become an introvert, but I won’t approach people thinking they’re kind hearted and have my best interest in mind. People hardly ever have your best interest in mind and if you haven’t realized that yet, take it from someone who’s learned the hard way. I’m going to continue blogging and sharing my thoughts and posting whatever it is that my mind feels I need to share, but I won’t allow people to get close to me. My individuality, my life, my feelings, aren’t things that people should readily have access to. This doesn’t mean I’ll be rude to people or coldhearted, I’ll just start keeping to myself. I’ll focus on myself. It’s safer.

And with that…

Peace and much love to y’all