My Culture: Muslim, American and Female

There’s been a noteworthy discussion on social media and other media outlets on a subject that’s dear to my heart. Muslims in America. Specifically Muslim American women and their place in western culture.  I was very intrigued by this discussion and was actually quite excited. Thoughts like “finally someone noticed us” and “took long enough” ran through my head.

If you hadn’t guessed yet, I’m talking about the mipsterz video. A video depicting young Muslim women wearing hijabs while in tune with western culture and Jay Z’s “Somewhere in America” playing in the background.  The video was discussed by Muslims and non-Muslims alike, but for some reason I’ve seen more negativity towards it from Muslims. To me the video was empowering. These young women were enjoying themselves. Muslim Americans who represented both their Islamic and western cultures. I saw myself in those girls. The energy, the youthfulness, the desires and goals they have I share too.

But we also share the same struggles. Being a Muslim woman in America means every move you’re making is being watched. People are interested in your hijab. Are you oppressed? Are you quiet? Do you  have a voice? A free mind? Are you allowed to have fun? On the other hand, Muslims are also watching you. Do you wear a hijab? If not why don’t you? If you do then why aren’t you doing it “right”? Are you Muslim enough? It’s unfortunate to say I’ve got more hate from Muslims than I’ve ever got from non-Muslims. People discuss a Muslim women’s wardrobe like it’s gonna solve the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. Suddenly the pants you wear are more important to others than what’s in your heart. You get judged and looked up and down at for the most mundane choices. Instead of realizing that religion is a journey and we’re all on different parts of said journey, some like to belittle your efforts. They want you to be perfect as if they’ve reached perfection themselves. They want to see a woman who lives by the Quran word for word when reality is that’s not easy at all. What many Muslims don’t realize is that if you’ve been born and brought up in a western culture your mannerism and clothes will reflect that. You become a member of two cultures. You’re Muslim AND western, and that’s not wrong or something I’d ever be ashamed of. America raised me. My parents raised me. And you cannot expect to find traces of one and not the other in my character and way of life.

Muslim American women do exist. We’re different. We dress, act, speak, and express ourselves differently. But we’re also tied together by our religion and our American identity. And it’s that tie that should make us more tolerant of each other and more understanding of one another’s struggles. We’re all trying to find ourselves. No matter the race, religion, gender or age, we are all trying our best to figure ourselves out before our time is over. The Muslim American woman is also trying to figure herself out and has a culture of her own.  It’s time she’s recognized by both the Muslim and non-Muslim worlds.  We exist. Get over it.

And don’t kill our vibe.

Peace and much love to y’all <3  

Words can hurt, so think before you speak

Love yourself :) 

It never fails to surprise me when people act in heinous ways, say nasty words, and degrade others all to feel more powerful. And to be honest, it happens to me often by the closest of people.  It’s questionable whether or not those individuals had horrible childhoods or suffer from personality disorders, but what I can be sure of is no matter how many times I’ll repeat the saying “sticks and stones may hurt my bones” words always seem to get the best of me.

It might be my lack of emotional strength or my naivety, but I am always susceptible to things as simple as words and can dwell on the mean things people say for days, weeks, even months. Is it fair I have to go through that? No it’s not. But then again, when was life ever fair. That fact does not justify people’s disgusting actions though.

My advice to you is to think before you speak. No matter the mood you’re in, or the situation around you, it shouldn't be that you have to hurt others emotionally or physically to get your point across. It does not make you powerful to have the upper hand or cause emotional distraught to others. It makes you weak. It makes you a victim of your own self-hatred and it lessens the respect people have for you. It’s a golden rule; treat others the way you want to be treated. When’s the last time you wanted someone to treat you like you’re worthless? When’s the last time you thought to yourself “I wish someone would punch me in the face”? I would hope never. So don’t do to others what you’d hate to see done to yourself. Because what goes around comes around. And karma’s a bitch who won’t for a second hesitate to bark up your alley.   

If you’re a victim of such treatment, I would hope that you realize your worth and appreciate your intelligence, creativity and sovereignty. And most importantly, love yourself.   

Peace and much love to all of y’all <3

Learn Today. Learn Tomorrow

Suppose that I’ve erred (something I do quite often) then realize my mistake. Suppose that I have the choice to cover up my défauts but choose to voice them out of some crazy concept of self-righteousness, another thing I do just as often. And then suppose that because those I voice my faults to are just human, my mistakes become ingrained in their minds, forever lurking in a subconsciously judgmental way.

Suppose those people never forget. Suppose they bring up your mistakes as a reminder of just how many times you’ve messed up. A reminder of how immature you are. How wrong you were. How human you are. And it never matters if you come clean. Your sense of remorse isn’t a factor in people’s perception of you. Your consciousness and internalized feelings can’t budge people’s faulty opinions. Because you are who you choose to show people you are. And if you choose to show people the good and the bad, chances are those bad qualities of yours will outweigh the good.

Now this isn’t about being a hypocrite. I’m not saying be a devil in disguise because you still gon be that devil even if people don’t know. But if you’re a good person overall, then keep that image. If you fall, get back up and don’t look back. Ain’t nobody paying attention. Because there ain’t nobody that don’t fall and ain’t nobody that don’t try to get up without drawing the world’s watchful eyes upon their stumbles.

It’s never too late to learn this lesson. If you mess up today you’ll mess up again later and I can assure you of that. Just learn from your mistakes. If you repeat them, then I guess you can learn again. You keep learning till you die and every day is a learning experience. Good times don’t make us stronger. It’s the shit we go through that teaches us lifelong lessons. And not voicing your mistakes is definitely an important lesson to learn. Take it from someone who’s been there. Plenty of times.

Peace and much love to ya  

Hold Your Friends Close To You. You'll Need Them...

Friends are more important than you think. Maybe you found yourself a nice guy or a good girl. Found a romantic partner and all the sudden friends don’t seem as necessary anymore. That’s an understandable mistake. We all like to think our partners can fulfill every kind of social interaction we need. That could be the case sometimes, but no one can be everything at the same time, no matter how much you love them. And that goes for you too. You can’t be that perfect human for your significant other. So don’t try.  

That’s why you need your friends. That one girl or guy that takes your mind off things and allows you to forget about your problems.  Don't forget their importance and that they'll be there for you when no one else wants to be. I’d like to think I’m blessed for that reason. I really am. When feeling like everything around me is crumbling I know exactly who to go to, and she never fails to pick me up. Either it’s through a hug, some well intentioned advice, or just by listening to me, this friend is there for me whenever I turn to her, reminding me that life goes on. That a funny movie and a good bowl of chili can do miracles for your soul.

So hold your friends close to your heart, no matter what. They’ll only be there for you if you let them. And good friends are never easy to come by. That’s a well-known fact of life. Live by it.

Peace. 

Proud to Rebel

Am I a rebel?

I've spent my life doing what others told me to do. I had to follow certain unnecessary rules just because I was told they would be “good for me”, stubborn as I am, strong willed as I always was. Still, I never ceased to voice my opinion, no matter how unaccepted it was by others. But as always, for every strong willed girl, there’s a world of obstacles and limitations. There will always be those individuals who don’t like your spontaneous free spirit.  I've had religion used against me. People who preached God wanted to take what God himself gave to me. My free spirit. I've been pressured. I've had money used against me, like if you don’t do this or that I’m not paying for even the most fundamental things you need. Yet I still managed to weasel out whatever freedom I can thus far. 

But what makes me different from the next girl? What makes me different from the student next to me, or the parents who bore me? Because aren't we all pressured by life? The difference is that we’re all individuals with different mindsets and personalities, going about our lives in different ways. Problem is that there will always be those who want to pull you under a certain umbrella. They will generalize based on your gender, age, religion, race, nationality. And in some people’s eyes, you’re nothing but a demographic. A race. An age group. Your individuality becomes an unimportant factor in the choices you make because everything you choose to do should come off a list of approved decisions. This list goes through your culture, religion, your family and all loved ones, and of course society.  And it’s not surprising to find that after all that editing, the list becomes a distorted representation of who you are and what you want to do with your life.

My reflection on all this? Be a fighter. You will never be completely free, but you can at least fight for what you believe in. And I believe in freedom.  If that makes me a rebel, then so be it. I never asked for the impossible. I never realized why that put me at fault, but now I do. The problem is that I asked. Don’t ask for your God given rights. If you get called a rebel, then you say “hell yea” and move on.

Peace! 

Be Your Own Happiness. Love the Sound of Your Own Laughter

Your mom is always right. Almost always.

“Nahla, you have to make your own happiness. Don’t rely on others to make you happy”. Those words from my mom couldn't have been more insightful. And I learned the hard way.

It’s not that I’m stupid. I like to call myself highly social with a hint of gullible. If I meet a person and feel a connection (false sense or not) I will immediately see no reason for that person to lie to me or do me any harm. I will, without meaning to, trust this person to be a decent human being. Which of course, is the wrong thing to assume. I been lied to by people I thought were friends. Been back-stabbed. Been betrayed by close family members I loved.  My experiences might leave the average person with trust issues, but for some reason I still gravitate towards the good in people. I give people I don’t know the benefit of the doubt. Try to find every reason to believe they’re good people.

But sometimes people are just bad. Unfortunate but true.

This is why you don’t rely on people to make you happy. Be your own sunshine, corny as that sounds. Be your own happiness, because no matter what, you’re the only person you’re guaranteed to be with end of the day. You’re the only friend who will ALWAYS be there, and you’re the only person who understands you a hundred percent.

Peace!